On Motherhood & Sanity


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

why I blog

singapore


Today for the first time in a while  I managed to get some time to sit down and read some blogs. I came across a post on “why I blog”, something I’d been meaning to write about  for a while.

Lately I’ve been struggling. I haven’t been inspired to write. Some times it’s hard. You wonder why you invest  so much time into sending your personal thoughts to the universe so that strangers can read through them (and not leave comments!) I feel happy when my stats go up, but feel abandoned when they fizzle away as soon as I’m too busy or tired to keep rowing this heavy boat.

***
My mom often joked that the only reason she knew my name is because she named me.  Her little insider joke to complain about my not being very open about… well, everything really.

This may come as a surprise but, I'm  actually a very private person, in person. I don't easily tell people around me what I'm thinking or feeling. There is no particular reason for this. I was just drawn that way.

I used to hate coming back from holidays –apart from the obvious reasons- because everyone would ask “how were your holidays?” Granted, most people that asked could not have cared less. Still. It was a daunting experience for me.

Yet I blog, a contradiction that I was only recently able to make some sense out of.
In short,

1) because I like to write and blogging makes it easy for me to do so regularly. They say that practice makes perfect and I don’t always have the time to think about the book or an article. Blog posts are brief (enough) and written often enough have (I believe) helped me to get better at this. Also, I just enjoy writing.

2) because I work from home, and social media for me is the equivalent of most people’s water cooler. Now that the mongrel’s have moved on to full time schooling, freelancing gives me the flexibility to be more present in their lives, but also means that when they all bugger off to work/school, I’m left with a desk and a computer to spend the better part of my days.

I knew this stuff. The first is the reason I started the blog and the second blatantly obvious (I take this opportunity to apologize to my Facebook friends for regularly monopolizing their newsfeed). But only recently did I manage to identify what is probably the most important and satisfying reason of all.

3) because it makes me focus on the moment. Because in order to write weekly or even more often, I have to focus on what is happening here and now, what I'm thinking  about, mulling over, doubting….   it forces me to be more present, to focus on the little things of everyday life,  the ones we might forget to photograph or even think about.

These  are the big ones, but having it as a "family photo album" of sorts is definitely a plus. And since I am convinced that most of you reading it are imaginary anyways, well, that just makes it easier. 

Monday, January 21, 2013

today we part ways



So today our romance ends. Today we part ways. I’ve taken your story as far as it can go without you.

Today I lay a single rose where we last met. The one place to go for birth or death. Where blood and joy take turns in an inevitable cycle, like the moon and the starts do with the sun.

Today I say farewell to you, but in a whisper, because that’s what best represents what you once were: a whisper, a dream, a promise.

My secret.

Today the count down we begun but only I finished ends.

So this is good bye … until we meet again. 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

keep on dreaming



Some of you may have noticed my recent unusual request alert:

Essentially, my bro has decided he wants to go into space.


Now me,  I get dizzy on a park swing. I can get dizzy just by thinking about a park swing, (I'm going to stop now because I'm actually getting dizzy just from writing about this).

The point is, I could not phantom anything less appealing than getting on a moving rocket, especially as it is highly unlikely that I could get off half way if I have to throw-up or pee, two of my body's favourite past times.

But fortunately we are all different (especially fortunate for anyone who does not have to deal with my body), and we all have different dreams.  He's a marketing exec who decided to run his first marathon when he turned forty. He's done about 4 now.  He decided to take up surfing a couple of years later (personally, I'm afraid of waves, but that is not going to surprise anyone at this point I suspect). What I truly  love is his spirit. This idea that even the unthinkable could be. He doesn't question if he can or if he should. The thought of others laughing at this proposal hasn't crossed his mind. What he sees is a chance to to do something he wanted to do as a kid, right around the time when he wanted to be Wolverine, and goes 'why not?'

So vote for him, (please) because the world needs dreamers. Because nothing would get invented and a lot less would get done if people weren't willing to see  something crazy and set out to do it with a simple 'why not?"


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

New Beginnings



New year, new birthday, new beginnings.

Everything is possible once again.

Why? because I said so.

Also, because why not?

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

January family self portrait

Washington DC, Helix hotel



and so begins year 3 of the family self portrait project

***

The family self portrait  project started in January 2011. I take one portrait of the whole family, myself included, once a month.  

I started doing this mainly because I realised that I was never in any of the family photos. It was initially meant to last for the duration of 2011, but we enjoyed  it so much that we decided to carry on. Don't know when or where it will end.

Every family should do this. 

To see previous months click on the links below:


2012
December - Home (pending) 
November- What matters
October-Frankenstorm Sandy
September - Coney Island
August - Park Slope
July 2012 - Matherland
June 2012 - hope
April 2012 - castaways
March 2012 - hell is the other
February 2012 - lazy mornings in bed
January 2012 - mimes

2011
December 2011- Occupy your life
November- BAM!
August - waiting for Irene, yeah, the hurricane

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

write a letter to yourself


I know I dwindled towards the end, and I will probably come back to you with the days that I missed out on (probably), but before putting this year's december challenge to bed I want to invite you to do something I was once asked to do while in the Sinai desert in the context of a yoga retreat.

While you are still on this "this is a new year and I can make some resolutions" mode, grab a piece of paper, or a postcard (or whatever you like) and write a letter to yourself reminding you of what you want out of 2013 (and life). Reminding you of what is important, what you love, what you want to change and what you want to prioritise.  Write down the thoughts that have come to you during this exercise and the holidays. It doesn't have to be long. It can be bullet points if you like, and then address it, to yourself, and mail it.

If you are anything like me it might take about a month until it even leaves in the post, and hopefully another to get back to you. It'll be a little reminder to yourself. You can also use it towards the end of the year to remember where you were and how far you've gone. Or just to remind you of what is really important, and how somethings just don't  change.

I wrote mine in 2010 and still look at it sometimes.