happy holidays

DAY 23: Dear me in old age....

Dear me in old age,

I'm so glad we can just sit and talk about all this now. I mean, you used to be so uptight about so many things! don't get me wrong, I get it, I get that you just meant to do it right and you did it because you cared. And I love that you cared, but I'm glad that experience and time have given you the strength  and wisdom, like the saying goes, to know the difference. I'm glad that you are just  enjoying the kids without the stress. that was so funny when you kept thinking it was going to get easier! but alas, you realised there was only so much you were going to be able to do.  I'm glad that you realised that love, example (yeah, and time) was what you could put into the mix, and then you just had to wait to see what came out.

I'm glad that you turn work down now, that you prioritise  the things you love even though they don't pay. I know,  I know it wasn't so easy taking that decision when you didn't know which way it was going to go. It was brave of you and I am proud.  Personally,   I always knew you had that little artists in you waiting to be let out. I knew you had  that book in you, and I knew it was the piece you needed to complete the puzzle, to get to the next step, to become more whole, more you. I was just never sure which one it was going to be,  photography or writing. I'm just glad that you still had a few things that even surprised me up your sleeve. who knew?

I  am SO glad you went back to regular exercise when you did. I know it sounds lame to even bring this up, but I'm not sure we'd be having this conversation otherwise. We both know your body always needed a little extra love, care and attention. Payback for not having quit when it had the chance. 

And now here you are, an old grumpy strange lady. Yes, strange, love that you never let go of the weird, glad you never let go off that "freak flag" and let your kids know that life is ... whatever we make of it, and may other's judgement of it fall on deaf ears. We've got  a choice and we make mistakes, and we learn and end up in unexpected places. 

I loved how you always rolled with it, yeah, a little grumpy at times, but always willing to go along and see what kind of lemonade you could come up with this time.

Most of all  I'm grateful that you decided to put love first  and "tomorrow" second. Love first and pride or recognition second. And there you are, basking in it, swimming in it, the love you planted and nurtured in your friends and family, so that now you can be that old, funny looking grumpy lady, that knows weird facts,  has done even weirder  stuff, and everyone loves to love.  

gotta go.

love always, 

the young you

Day 21: what's your next step

mexico, 2005

About 7 years ago I was in a really good place, in every way. Yet for some reason I realised that -where I was- was not a place I wanted to stay in for that much longer.

I very much have that feeling  right now. Nothing's wrong. Actually, everything is going as planned, (surprisingly so). Yet, there is a restlessness that tells me that the next step is near. That it will soon be time to move on.

Back then the next logical step  seemed clear. We would have babies. We would start a family. Even though I was no where near able to envision  how much this would affect my life plan, I knew I didn't want  my career to continue being the centre of my universe. I knew I was ready to move on.


This time, I don't know what the next step is. Really there is no hurry. In a way I am nicely curious to find out where this is headed. In a way, it makes me some what impatient and anxious. I would like someone to open that door already. ... I'd like to know. 

DAY 18: on laughter

Silly

sadly, I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard  I nearly peed my pants, what I can share is that I laugh regularly (mostly at my kids.... or with my kids, depends how you want to look at it), and I also make sure to get my daily does of laughter through my daily TV session at night, (think Daily show with Jon Steward or New Girl). 

The acoustics in my house are such  that  you can hear the TV better in almost every OTHER room, so the hubs bought me some wireless headphones. I leave you with an image in the hope that it will make you smile, of me  sitting in the dark, surrounded by silence, alone, laughing my  butt off. 

DAY 17: what mantras keep you going?

These are some of the mantras that kept me going throughout the year 

and define who I am and who I want to be.

“don't sweat the small stuff”

“think long term: what kind of person 

do you want your child to be”

“ this too shall pass”

“a dios rezando y con el mazo dando” 
(whilst praying/hoping, you need to put in the work)

“remain humble. Remember all you DON’T know, 

and relish all you are yet to learn”

"no one is better than you. No one is worse than you. You can learn something from everyone 

and  every situation"

“you are never too old to learn something new”

"don't limit yourself with tags and definitions. let others worry about that, do what you love, 

love what you do"

"if it brings you joy, do it, 

even if it doesn't 'make sense'"

"there are many paths to get to Rome"

“remember who your REAL clients are” 

(hint, NOT the ones paying me)

Day 15: what are you thankful for?

six years old

We all know how me tend to take for granted the most important things in life. Partly because we just can't imagine life without them, we don't even stop to consider how lucky we are to have them.

This year more than most I've been reminded of a very simple truth: how lucky I am to have two beautiful, healthy -live- children.

I'm grateful for routine. For the kids getting off the bus hungry and complaining. For the dinner they refuse to  eat. For the struggle to get them to brush their teeth and go to bed.

Even though I know I am extremely blessed and have a long list of things to be thankful for. Today, now,   I'm just going to stick to that one.  Because I can't begin to imagine life without them. Because I can't stop thinking what if it'd been me. What if it'd been mine.

five years old

this is not a political statement, just a fact