January family self portrait

Washington DC, Helix hotel

and so begins year 3 of the family self portrait project

***

The family self portrait  project started in January 2011. I take one portrait of the whole family, myself included, once a month.  

I started doing this mainly because I realised that I was never in any of the family photos. It was initially meant to last for the duration of 2011, but we enjoyed  it so much that we decided to carry on. Don't know when or where it will end.

Every family should do this. 

To see previous months click on the links below:

2012
December - Home (pending) 
November- What matters
October-Frankenstorm Sandy
September - Coney Island

August - Park Slope

July 2012 - Matherland

June 2012 - hope

April 2012 - castaways

March 2012 - hell is the other

February 2012 - lazy mornings in bed

January 2012 - mimes

2011

December 2011- Occupy your life

November- BAM!

October

September

August - waiting for Irene, yeah, the hurricane

July

June

April

March

February

January 

write a letter to yourself

I know I dwindled towards the end, and I will probably come back to you with the days that I missed out on (probably), but before putting this year's december challenge to bed I want to invite you to do something I was once asked to do while in the Sinai desert in the context of a yoga retreat.

While you are still on this "this is a new year and I can make some resolutions" mode, grab a piece of paper, or a postcard (or whatever you like) and write a letter to yourself reminding you of what you want out of 2013 (and life). Reminding you of what is important, what you love, what you want to change and what you want to prioritise.  Write down the thoughts that have come to you during this exercise and the holidays. It doesn't have to be long. It can be bullet points if you like, and then address it, to yourself, and mail it.

If you are anything like me it might take about a month until it even leaves in the post, and hopefully another to get back to you. It'll be a little reminder to yourself. You can also use it towards the end of the year to remember where you were and how far you've gone. Or just to remind you of what is really important, and how somethings just don't  change.

I wrote mine in 2010 and still look at it sometimes. 

my wish for the new year

I wish to be surrounded by love, and filled with peace.  I wish to be fueled with curiosity, strength and determination. I wish for space, for in-between-moments and silence. I wish for slow moments where the hot chocolate is savoured, where arts and crafts get done, slowly, calmly, bathed in conversation about nothingness and everything.

I wish for long days and even longer nights. For the year to be slow, long and memorable, in a most unmemorable way.

I wish for discovery and adventure. For questions to be answered and new questions to arise together with new possibilities.

I wish for mouthfuls of sticky chocolate.

I wish for health and life.

I wish to be filled with wonder and surrounded by fairy dust.

I wish for love. To be loved. To love.

Happy new year y'all

DAY 25: my unholy christmas

notice that this year we opted to make a christmas tree from reclaimed trees

For better or for worse, Christmas stopped being a religious holiday for me a long time ago, but it is still the most important one. For me christmas is a time to celebrate family which, as far as I am concerned,  is about as  holy as it gets.

I love doing up the house and have been buying decorations during my travels for years. Next year when our new house is ready  I plan to go all out (minus the reindeer and the santa on the rooftop thing)

Back in the day when I had time and it was all mine, I spent ages thinking about, planning and buying for gifts. I didn't necessarily have that much money and, you know, it was kind of better that way, it was good to have to save and think, and it really was the best part to see other people's faces when they opened them.

I still put up a nativity scene, which makes no sense, and I haven't even explained to the kids what it is about.  Actually, we had one that broke and bought another, so now baby Jesus has a twin. For some reason I need all the details to be there. They are all  part of this pagan ritual of mine.

Last but not least is the feast. My mother would cook the same exact thing every christmas eve, and at no other time of the year. Smell is a  powerful thing and it  brings me right back to that place. The turkey would take about 6 hours to cook, (part of the tradition requires turkey left overs, so they are always pretty huge,) so we would wake up to the smell of the beast roasting under the heat of the mustard, bacon and beer.  The sound of the spanish christmas jingles (villancicos),  and a fully lit tree standing proud  over colourful and carefully wrapped  presents. So this one day a year I am in charge of the kitchen, and no one is allowed to make any changes to the menu.

I may not be religious, but this is about as sacred as it gets in my house.

happy holidays

DAY 23: Dear me in old age....

Dear me in old age,

I'm so glad we can just sit and talk about all this now. I mean, you used to be so uptight about so many things! don't get me wrong, I get it, I get that you just meant to do it right and you did it because you cared. And I love that you cared, but I'm glad that experience and time have given you the strength  and wisdom, like the saying goes, to know the difference. I'm glad that you are just  enjoying the kids without the stress. that was so funny when you kept thinking it was going to get easier! but alas, you realised there was only so much you were going to be able to do.  I'm glad that you realised that love, example (yeah, and time) was what you could put into the mix, and then you just had to wait to see what came out.

I'm glad that you turn work down now, that you prioritise  the things you love even though they don't pay. I know,  I know it wasn't so easy taking that decision when you didn't know which way it was going to go. It was brave of you and I am proud.  Personally,   I always knew you had that little artists in you waiting to be let out. I knew you had  that book in you, and I knew it was the piece you needed to complete the puzzle, to get to the next step, to become more whole, more you. I was just never sure which one it was going to be,  photography or writing. I'm just glad that you still had a few things that even surprised me up your sleeve. who knew?

I  am SO glad you went back to regular exercise when you did. I know it sounds lame to even bring this up, but I'm not sure we'd be having this conversation otherwise. We both know your body always needed a little extra love, care and attention. Payback for not having quit when it had the chance. 

And now here you are, an old grumpy strange lady. Yes, strange, love that you never let go of the weird, glad you never let go off that "freak flag" and let your kids know that life is ... whatever we make of it, and may other's judgement of it fall on deaf ears. We've got  a choice and we make mistakes, and we learn and end up in unexpected places. 

I loved how you always rolled with it, yeah, a little grumpy at times, but always willing to go along and see what kind of lemonade you could come up with this time.

Most of all  I'm grateful that you decided to put love first  and "tomorrow" second. Love first and pride or recognition second. And there you are, basking in it, swimming in it, the love you planted and nurtured in your friends and family, so that now you can be that old, funny looking grumpy lady, that knows weird facts,  has done even weirder  stuff, and everyone loves to love.  

gotta go.

love always, 

the young you

Day 21: what's your next step

mexico, 2005

About 7 years ago I was in a really good place, in every way. Yet for some reason I realised that -where I was- was not a place I wanted to stay in for that much longer.

I very much have that feeling  right now. Nothing's wrong. Actually, everything is going as planned, (surprisingly so). Yet, there is a restlessness that tells me that the next step is near. That it will soon be time to move on.

Back then the next logical step  seemed clear. We would have babies. We would start a family. Even though I was no where near able to envision  how much this would affect my life plan, I knew I didn't want  my career to continue being the centre of my universe. I knew I was ready to move on.


This time, I don't know what the next step is. Really there is no hurry. In a way I am nicely curious to find out where this is headed. In a way, it makes me some what impatient and anxious. I would like someone to open that door already. ... I'd like to know.