I'm generally feeling better, but I'm trying to take this warning seriously, so I have not started working again, I have not been writing my book, I have even cut down on the number of posts I write a week.
I am using this time to reconnect with "empty time". I am letting the days drift away, spending afternoons with the kids doing not much at all. Yesterday I spent the whole afternoon cycling around town trying to locate a large Lightning McQueen image because I decided that this year I was going to make my son's piñata, (as opposed to pay 50 euros for something you buy and then proceed to destroy…), and it’s silly, and there is a small part inside of me that is screaming “work on your book! You’ll never get this time back!”, but….it’s doctor’s orders.
I now realize I needed to slow down, and in doing so, it has become evident to me how much I had been running. How little time I had to spend with the kids doing “not much at all”: to sit down and paint, or make cookies, or read a story. I was always in a hurry to get somewhere, to get something done.
I’ve met up for coffee dates that had been pending for months, and then had to fight my almost innate tendency to keep watching the time… having to remind myself I didn’t need to be anywhere, I didn’t need to do anything.
As much as I fear I might regret that I am not writing now, It’s a different kind of gift I suppose.
I have also started going back to yoga again, but instead of dragging myself to the old place, I found a new one that really inspires me. It’s more alternative, spiritual, and awkward if you like. But it fits better, so instead of dreading it I look forward to going. I try to look at cycling around town in search of the perfect candles or round candies for the cake decoration (yes, I am doing the cake as well, with the help of Kukis) I try to look at it as time for myself, as exercise, as fresh air for the mind, the heart and the brain.
I know that all too soon this empty time will end, and I will be running and running again.