On Motherhood & Sanity


Friday, September 23, 2011

on silence



One of the things I miss most about my pre-kids days is silence. Not just the lack of actual noise, but the type of silence that lets the soul rest. I know it sounds strange, and I can’t really explain it.

Have you ever been to the desert? To the rift valley?

It’s like when the doctor tests your hearing with that metal thing that keeps vibrating. There is no sound yet you can hear something, and it’s coming from the vibration itself. I feel like somehow all movement creates a vibration that makes noise. Even if your ears can’t hear it, your body does.

When we lived in  Kenya we’d often go to the nature reserves for the weekend. Small resorts  in the middle of nowhere with no access to phone or internet. No electricity lines, no traffic, nothing but kilometres of earth, plants, animals and silence around you. The quality of rest  that you get in  a place like this is unbeatable. It was like removing a layer of dust and mud from your soul. 

Unlike the Masai Mara, my home is full of noise. From the moment the princess wakes up (sometime after 6am) there is singing, jumping, throwing, role playing, fighting, and all to the beat of the underlying parental tune

“don't do this, don't do that, keep it down, hurry up….”

Like a broken record I constantly contribute to the noise pollution by being always late, and stressing everyone up to get there on time. After everyone has gone to bed I stay up late into the night waiting for the vibrations to stop, for the silence to return, for my body to ease up. Which of course means the next morning I wake up tired and late, and begin the day stressing to get to somewhere on time.

Last Saturday the hubs wanted to go to ikea. I knew we desperately needed to go, (shelves, desks… all sorts of things that we need in order to be able to organise all the other things that we need)
It didn’t matter that I knew this, I couldn't go. I said no. I’ll do anything, I’ll do it on my own, any day but today. Any time but now. Saturday in ikea was more noise than my soul could take after the chaos that moving entails. I held my breath, stomped my feet and stayed in bed. 

So he got dressed, and then proceeded to do a very strange thing, he dressed the kids, and took off,  WITH THE KIDS.

I watched from the bed in disbelief.

And so I got my 3 hours of silence.

Bless that man

1 comment:

Fran said...

I need a husband like that...