On Motherhood & Sanity


Monday, June 29, 2015

The market, April Family Self Portrait



click on image to enlarge





Running, panting, heaving
nut bolts cleaving
my mind, no rewind
just time flying
forward and clawing
gnawing burrowing think worms
inside, primed substance
moulded to the inevitable
destiny of the narrative norms.

Jump out of the form
disrupt this feverish flow,
bobbing and weaving
from the hooks randomly raining
down in the blindness of habit, fight
hard with the tyrant of sound bytes,
flip back to a time where smells melted thoughts
into a metaphysical dim sum,
Hong Kong beating the drum.

ghost
***
The family self portrait  project started in January 2011. 
I take one portrait of the whole family, myself included, once a month.  
In late 2013 a "ghost" writer joined the initiative and now each photo is accompanied by a poem.
In 2015 the kids started collaborating and introducing their own ideas
...the project has a life of its own

also,
Every family should do this. It's an amazing record of the little things that matter


To see previous months click on the links below:


***


Tuesday, June 16, 2015

sibling love, photo post



They are the ones by your side from the beginning to the end. The truest form of partnership. They teach you, mould you, support you, encourage you,  and break you just hard  enough to help you grow. Like lion cubs, they fight, and then lick each other's wounds.  Like lion cubs, they stand up for each other.  Like cubs, they will fight for you and laugh at you. United into the sunset by an unbreakable bond.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

womanhood peeking




Peeking from behind the cupboard is the woman. Amidst the toys and imaginary friends for the most part she remains hidden from view, but every now and then becomes apparent. Sneaking up on us too is the end of childhood. Confused, happy to be here, happy to be gone. It's the beginning of a new adventure.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

March family self portrait - Thank you


Thank you Laos
For the damp heat that swallows my muddled mind, plunging my thoughts deep in fermented humanity. My feelings reeling from an excess of the senses too tightly tout for too long; tingling nerves tethered still to a reality thats been with what it has too long seen.

Surrounded by heaving sighs unseen, seemingly touching untouched patches somewhere inside me, patches parched by a pummeling, dulling routine that tames the pulse of my ever convulsing thoughts now finally soaking in sights that serenade my soul.

Millennial slabs of sculptured stone surround me, springing up high from the humid hearth of my heart. Songs unsung for too long bellowing out their joy full ness-tling and cradling a beauty that breathes life back into my greying, fraying attitude.


Thank you.


***
The family self portrait  project started in January 2011. 
I take one portrait of the whole family, myself included, once a month.  
In late 2013 a "ghost" writer joined the initiative and now each photo is accompanied by a poem.
In 2015 the kids started collaborating and introducing their own ideas
...the project has a life of its own

also,
Every family should do this. It's an amazing record of the little things that matter


To see previous months click on the links below:


***


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

summer's end



There's a bitter sweet taste in my mouth.
Summer's end is when the breeze cools off and the summer's heat eases.
The lights and shades get warmer. the wind picks up.

It is those last days of summer, the farewell, those most beautiful of all

Monday, May 11, 2015

Today I realised I was once again, and without my knowledge, living in a conflict zone




I’m a humanitarian worker and I’ve been working on protracted conflict for the last 13 years. A protracted conflict is generally defined as a long-term, low intensity conflict. It is not all out war, also known as violent conflict, although  it is considered a pre-condition for it. Colombia, Somalia and Israel are often viewed as textbook examples of protracted conflicts.

The concept stems from a theory initially developed by Edward E Azar who described Protracted social conflict as conflicts that occur, “when communities are deprived of (the) satisfaction of their basic needs on the basis of the communal identity.” Azar continues by highlighting that “the deprivation is the result of a complex causal chain involving the role of the state and the pattern of international linkages. Furthermore, initial conditions (colonial legacy, domestic historical setting, and the multi-communal nature of the society) play important roles in shaping the genesis of protracted social conflict.”[1]

In 2002 I moved to Colombia to work with a UN agency. One of the first things that struck me was the general sense of normalcy in a country that from the outside was perceived as highly dangerous. On arrival most of my colleagues were quick to highlight that soon I would see how things were not as bad as the international media portrayed them, followed by advice such as: “don't take a cab from the street, or you might end up in the bush being sold to the guerrilla”. With nearly three thousand kidnappings and nearly 70 homicides per 100,000 a year and at the time[2], this advice was not to be taken lightly.  People go about their daily lives accepting the status quo as normal.

The Life Peace Institute on its issue on protracted conflict asked Can you get used to living with war?” Sadly, I quickly learned that the answer  to this question is yes. The article continues “Probably, in the same way that you can somehow get used to living with physical pain, with constant stress, with disturbing noises. You get used to it, you bear with it in silence, because you have no other choice. You don’t know of any alternative.[3]” One of my first “field missions” in Colombia was to visit IDPs, aka, internally displaced persons. Displaced by the conflict. There was a small group of wooden houses that particular stuck out to me. Having run out of available land, these houses were built on man-made islands of rubbish over swamplands and connected by planks of wood. What most people don't realize is that many of the IDPs in Colombia come from some of the most fertile regions. For the most part they were, previous to the displacement, farmers who owned land and animals, now reduced to living in planks of wood. 

The full obscenity of this only hit me back at the hotel, going over my pictures, and partly this was because while I was there the children were playing and laughing, the ‘homes’, while bare, proudly showcased photographs and other valued mementos on their walls. Everyone went about their business, as if living on fake rubbish islands was normal.  Which brings me to my second realization at the time: not only can a person get used to living with war, it is surprisingly easy for the surrounding world to get used to it and protracted conflict, where there are no massive explosions and massacres to show for it, are particularly easy to get used to. What once seemed unthinkable becomes normal. I once counted over 50 soldiers standing on the sides of the road on my thirty minute ride from home to the office. Move on people, nothing to see here.

Humans adjust. It is for this reason that protracted conflicts easily become the forgotten wars. Unless there are international interests involved, such as is the case of Israel or Colombia, these conflicts become the backdrop hardly ever making headlines. The Western Sahara conflict comes to mind.

Since I had kids I’ve tried to stay out of trouble spots. The fact that aidwork is no longer perceived as neutral has made working in these “hot spots” more complex and ultimately dangerous.  So it was with much surprise that I realised, watching the 8 o’clock news on my sofa, that I am –once again, and without my knowledge- living in a protracted conflict country.

You might wonder how this could happen. How can you not-know that you are living in a conflict. And while you do that, you are probably reviewing in your mind mental pictures of the news that you have seen. All I can tell you is what I was seeing: recent footage from Baltimore, which until last week was nicknamed (by me) yawn city.



[1] Azar, E., The Management of Protracted Social Conflict: Theory & Cases, Aldershot, Dartmouth, 1990 p12.
[2] http://www.bigtravelweb.com/travel/2008/10/27/kidnapping-statistics-mexico-brazil-ecuador-venezuela-more-prone-than-colombia/
[3]Life and Peace Institute, April 2010,  New Routes Volume 15 http://www.life-peace.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/nr_2011_03.pdf