On Motherhood & Sanity

Sunday, December 23, 2012

DAY 23: Dear me in old age....

Dear me in old age,

I'm so glad we can just sit and talk about all this now. I mean, you used to be so uptight about so many things! don't get me wrong, I get it, I get that you just meant to do it right and you did it because you cared. And I love that you cared, but I'm glad that experience and time have given you the strength  and wisdom, like the saying goes, to know the difference. I'm glad that you are just  enjoying the kids without the stress. that was so funny when you kept thinking it was going to get easier! but alas, you realised there was only so much you were going to be able to do.  I'm glad that you realised that love, example (yeah, and time) was what you could put into the mix, and then you just had to wait to see what came out.

I'm glad that you turn work down now, that you prioritise  the things you love even though they don't pay. I know,  I know it wasn't so easy taking that decision when you didn't know which way it was going to go. It was brave of you and I am proud.  Personally,   I always knew you had that little artists in you waiting to be let out. I knew you had  that book in you, and I knew it was the piece you needed to complete the puzzle, to get to the next step, to become more whole, more you. I was just never sure which one it was going to be,  photography or writing. I'm just glad that you still had a few things that even surprised me up your sleeve. who knew?

I  am SO glad you went back to regular exercise when you did. I know it sounds lame to even bring this up, but I'm not sure we'd be having this conversation otherwise. We both know your body always needed a little extra love, care and attention. Payback for not having quit when it had the chance. 

And now here you are, an old grumpy strange lady. Yes, strange, love that you never let go of the weird, glad you never let go off that "freak flag" and let your kids know that life is ... whatever we make of it, and may other's judgement of it fall on deaf ears. We've got  a choice and we make mistakes, and we learn and end up in unexpected places. 

I loved how you always rolled with it, yeah, a little grumpy at times, but always willing to go along and see what kind of lemonade you could come up with this time.

Most of all  I'm grateful that you decided to put love first  and "tomorrow" second. Love first and pride or recognition second. And there you are, basking in it, swimming in it, the love you planted and nurtured in your friends and family, so that now you can be that old, funny looking grumpy lady, that knows weird facts,  has done even weirder  stuff, and everyone loves to love.  

gotta go.

love always, 
the young you