On Motherhood & Sanity

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Best and final

homeless is the natural  state for the nomad

 So, we have kind of decided (says she dragging her feet) that we are going to make New York our home.

Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean that we will live here ‘until we die’ as my daughter would put it, but it does mean that we are sick and tired of renting; of living in a space that belongs to someone else; of having to ask permission to do things to that space, and living in constant fear of having anything that happens to that space cost us an arm and a leg. We do have small children after all.

We are also tired of buying furniture trying to double guess if they will fit, If they are realistic for moving around, and if they can be easily dismantled.

And so the search begun.

If you remember, one year ago today we had located our current premises and were looking for hurricane Irene not to drown our life stories,  living on blown up mattresses and at the mercy of our friends.

Sadly, not even one year later, we are on the hunt again. And even more sadly, in New York,  because the New York housing market is ruthless. ‘Best and final’ are words that keep me up at night, covered in sweat and oreo cookies. This is what they tell you when the house that in your head is slowly becoming your home, has received various bids at asking price (or above asking), and the broker wants to know, what is your best and final offer? What is the most you are willing to give to make this your home? To make sure you don’t loose it to someone else….

Which is of course  a guessing game. A tortuous, cruel and painful one.

Will a better one pop up later? Will I be relieved I waited? Will I be kicking myself for all eternity as I find nothing as beautiful in this price range?

You’d think these houses are in great condition but no, they are falling apart, to what degree, you can work out once your offer has been accepted and you get a surveyor in. Once you are allowed back in for a second look.

Some homes quickly escalate and leave your “possible” bracket, and then you can just bid them farewell. Others slowly drop off your wish list, as you realize that there are certain compromises that you cannot make (not at that price range anyways). And then there is the current home. A strange home that looks nothing like my dream one, yet…. Every time I think someone else might take it, I feel a sudden urge to throw my wallet on the table and scream:

“it’s mine! So back the hell off”

not a great position for bargaining.

….will keep you posted.

not "the" house.... not by a long shot

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Park Slope- august family self portrait

Park Slope, Brooklyn (double click photo to see large)


This project started in January 2011.

I take one portrait of the whole family, myself included, once a month.  Wherever we are, whatever we are doing, whatever we are wearing.

Sometimes it's planned. Mostly, it's not.

I started doing this mainly because I realised that I was never in any of the family photos. 

It was meant to last  for the duration of 2011, but we are  enjoying it so much that it has carried on into 2012. Don't know when or where it will end. 

Every family should do this. Won't you give it a try and share with us?

To see previous months click on the links below:

February 2012- lazy mornings in bed
January 2012- mimes

December 2011- Occupy your life
November- BAM!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Thursday, August 23, 2012


We go around life longing to be different. Special. Unique.

To leave a mark in the sand of time.
To stand out.

And then the ground shifts, or shakes, or shatters.

Something happens that threatens all you took for granted.

And then all you long for is normal.

To be allowed to live the life you forgot to value.
To be allowed to have those hundreds of irrelevant moments.
Breakfast and other daily rituals suddenly acquire the attractiveness of an exotic vacation.

May normal be with you. Every day in every way.

Normal rocks.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

summer's coming to an end

Summer is quickly coming to and end. 
As always, time slips by when I'm not looking.
It tip toes past  me  to dance with them.
They're living it, while I'm trying -and failing- to manage it.

Some leaves have begun to fall.
"it's still august!" I yell at them,
but they don't listen. They're busy, 
busy with the matters of life and death,
like listening to  the wind and saving fairies.

I miss them...  even though they are right  in front of me.

I often feel like they too are slipping by, dancing away into another world different from mine, 
while I'm busy looking after the noise in the middle,
yelling at them to let me focus on things that melt and disappear right  before my very eyes.

They look at me bewildered, not understanding, yet forgiving me for my shortcomings. 

I know  that the days when I have to beg them to leave me alone are counted, 
and then it will be me begging for broken bits of their filled-with-noise time.  

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

dusk of childhood

dusk of childhood

I can see the dusk of childhood right before my eyes.

Adulthood is nearly here, peaking at us from behind the corner.

Soon the child will be gone and we will get to meet the adult.

...makes me both sad and excited.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

July family self portrait- Matherland

Not everything is what it seems. Not everything turns out as you would expect.


This project started in January 2011. I take one portrait of the whole family, myself included, once a month.  I started it mainly because I realized that  was never in any of the family photos. 

It was meant to last  for the duration of 2011, but I'm enjoying it so much that it has carried on into 2012.....  

Every family should do this. 

To see previous months click on the links below:

February 2012- lazy mornings in bed
January 2012- mimes
December 2011- Occupy your life
November- BAM!